The Fatal Letter

Julia and Fanny had been gone from home about four weeks when Mr.
Middleton suddenly determined "to go and see his gals" and bring them
home. Accordingly he "fixed up right smart," as he thought, which meant
that he took off his beard and put on "a bran new pair of jeens." He
preferred driving his own carriage, so he set off alone for Frankfort.

It was Friday morning, and as his daughters were in school, he stalked
into Mrs. Crane's parlor to wait for them. Spying the piano, he sat down
to it, and commenced producing a series of unearthly sounds, not
altogether unlike the fashionable music of the present day. Mrs.
Carrington chanced to be crossing the hall and, hearing the noise from the
parlor, looked in. As her eye fell upon the strange-looking, giant form of
Mr. Middleton, she uttered a very delicate scream, and as she just then
saw Dr. Lacey entering the house, she staggered back a few paces, and
tried to faint very gracefully. But the doctor caught her in his arms just
in time to restore her to consciousness!

Mr. Middleton now came toward them, exclaiming, "Lightning guns! What's to
pay now? Skeered at me, are you, madam or miss, whichever you be? I won't
hurt a har of your soft skull!"

"Ugh-u-u!" said Mrs. Carrington, shrinking from him in disgust, as he
advanced toward her, and laid his large hand on her head, "just to see,"
as he said, "if she were made of anything besides jewelry, curls and
paint."