Book 2 Chapter 34 The Prisoners Start for Siberia

The gang of prisoners, among whom was Maslova, was to leave
Moscow by rail at 3 p.m.; therefore, in order to see the gang
start, and walk to the station with the prisoners Nekhludoff
meant to reach the prison before 12 o'clock.

The night before, as he was packing up and sorting his papers, he
came upon his diary, and read some bits here and there. The last
bit written before he left for Petersburg ran thus: "Katusha
does not wish to accept my sacrifice; she wishes to make a
sacrifice herself. She has conquered, and so have I. She makes me
happy by the inner change, which seems to me, though I fear to
believe it, to be going on in her. I fear to believe it, yet she
seems to be coming back to life." Then further on he read. "I
have lived through something very hard and very joyful. I learnt
that she has behaved very badly in the hospital, and I suddenly
felt great pain. I never expected that it could be so painful. I
spoke to her with loathing and hatred, then all of a sudden I
called to mind how many times I have been, and even still am,
though but in thought, guilty of the thing that I hated her for,
and immediately I became disgusting to myself, and pitied her and
felt happy again. If only we could manage to see the beam in our
own eye in time, how kind we should be." Then he wrote: "I have
been to see Nathalie, and again self-satisfaction made me unkind
and spiteful, and a heavy feeling remains. Well, what is to be
done? Tomorrow a new life will begin. A final good-bye to the
old! Many new impressions have accumulated, but I cannot yet
bring them to unity."