The Single Girls Guide to Kitchen Duties

One of my friends was a real millennium nut. He felt he had to stock everything up for this just-in-case situation, where supposedly every store would shut down forever because, as he insisted, the computers were going crash at the stroke of midnight, 2000.

I told him, "Well, I don't think it's going to happen.

But if it does, I'll borrow from you."

Then I learned the too-obvious fact: "Oh, I figured things out exactly, so it would throw my calculations off if I shared with anyone." There it was, right in front of me-his admittance that I was toward the bottom of his priorities. So I never spoke to him again. But I wondered if he still had a lot of canned goods that he needed to get rid of.

One thing I do not tolerate is someone complaining that they want to lose weight. After all, I have given them a foolproof plan on how to lose weight: they can come and live with me for a few weeks. Their refusal proves two things: they don't really want to lose weight; or they just want to complain about this seemingly difficult task.

I am the type of person that my friends' mothers always want to feed. They give me extra helpings, send me home with cakes and pies-which become meals in themselves-and still I don't gain a pound. Their mission remains unresolved, but I think they will continue to try anyway, which is fine with me.