Accident and More Agonies

"Now," whispered my demon in my ears, "that is ingenious. Let nobody
know; as if, having a friend in the neighborhood--on a visit--he
sick and in bad spirits--you should propose to yourself a pleasure
trip of any kind without inviting him to partake of it? She knows
THAT to be out of the question, and that you must ask Edgerton if
you resolve to go yourself."

Such was the artful suggestion of my familiar. My resolve--still
recognising the cruel policy by which I had been so long governed--was
instantly taken. This was to invite Edgerton and Kingsley both.

"I will give them every opportunity. While Kingsley and myself ramble
together, well leave this devoted pair to their own cogitations,
taking care, however, to see what comes of them."

I promised Julia to be home in season, but said nothing of
my intention to ask the gentlemen. She thanked me with a look and
smile, which, had I not seen all things through eyes of the most
jaundiced green, would have seemed to me that of an angel, expressive
only of the truest love.

"Ah! could I but believe!" was the bitter self-murmur of my soul,
as I left the threshold.

On my way through the town I stopped at the postoffice to get
letters, and received one from Mrs. Delaney--late Clifford--my
wife's exemplary mother, addressed to Julia. I then proceeded to
Edgerton's lodgings. He was not yet up, and I saw him in his chamber.
His flute lay upon the toilet. Seeing it, I recalled, with all its
original vexing bitterness, the scene which took place the night
previous to my departure from my late home. And when I looked on
Edgerton--saw with what effort he spoke, and how timidly he expressed
himself--how reluctant were his eyes to meet the gaze of mine--his
guilt seemed equally fresh and unequivocal. I marked him out,
involuntarily, as my victim. I felt assured, even while conveying
to him the complimentary invitation which I bore, that my hand
was commissioned to do the work of death upon his limbs. Strange
and fascinating conviction! But I did not contemplate this necessity
with any pleasure. No! I would have prayed--I did pray--that the
task might be spared me. If I thought of it at all, it was as the
agent of a necessity which I could not countervail. The fates had
me in their keeping. I was the blind instrument obeying the inflexible
will, against which "Reluctant nature strives in vain."