The Royal Funeral

The heads of the previous conversation were recapitulated by Mr.
Micklewham, with as much brevity as was consistent with perspicuity; and
the matter being duly digested by Mr. Snodgrass, that orthodox young
man--as Mrs. Glibbans denominated him, on hearing him for the first
time--declared that the notion of a pay-christening was a benevolent and
kind thought: "For, is not the order to increase and multiply one of the
first commands in the Scriptures of truth?" said Mr. Snodgrass,
addressing himself to Mr. Craig. "Surely, then, when children are
brought into the world, a great law of our nature has been fulfilled, and
there is cause for rejoicing and gladness! And is it not an obligation
imposed upon all Christians, to welcome the stranger, and to feed the
hungry, and to clothe the naked; and what greater stranger can there be
than a helpless babe? Who more in need of sustenance than the infant,
that knows not the way even to its mother's bosom? And whom shall we
clothe, if we do not the wailing innocent, that the hand of Providence
places in poverty and nakedness before us, to try, as it were, the depth
of our Christian principles, and to awaken the sympathy of our humane
feelings?"

Mr. Craig replied, "It's a' very true and sound what Mr. Snodgrass has
observed; but Tam Glen's wean is neither a stranger, nor hungry, nor
naked, but a sturdy brat, that has been rinning its lane for mair than
sax weeks." "Ah!" said Mr. Snodgrass familiarly, "I fear, Mr. Craig,
ye're a Malthusian in your heart." The sanctimonious elder was
thunderstruck at the word. Of many a various shade and modification of
sectarianism he had heard, but the Malthusian heresy was new to his ears,
and awful to his conscience, and he begged Mr. Snodgrass to tell him in
what it chiefly consisted, protesting his innocence of that, and of every
erroneous doctrine.