Restrictions

We Live by the Rules

Limits must be set such as:

• Bedtimes
• Who they can play with
• Neatness and cleanliness
• Mealtimes

These children particularly need structure. "No, you can't go to the movies in the evening." "No, you can't leave until your room is straightened out."

There are restrictions placed on us as foster parents such as:

• They cannot ride in a car unless the driver has been previously approved by the County Social Worker.
• We cannot spank, so we need to find other consequences.

When restrictions are violated, then the authority figure has to decide what can be overlooked, and what needs to be confronted.

An extra 15 minutes after bedtime may be okay, but driving in an unauthorized car is not okay.

When to Scold and When to Avoid

Pick your battles appears to be the rule of thumb. Prioritizing behavior problems helps. What is and what is not negotiable? What is important to us but not to them? Does it affect their safety and/or well being or another person's safety or well being?

Pick Your Battles

Problems will arise; some are much larger than others. We need to make sure we don't dwell on the smaller problems and overlook the larger ones.

Areas we focused on were poor grades when our foster son was able to reach a much higher level of achievement. With extensive testing it was determined he was capable, just unwilling to perform. It was evident he had inner conflicts and we included the therapist, social worker and school officials to come up with possible solutions.