Various Severe Behavior Problems
The Challenges and Opportunities
The following is really a very short list of endless possibilities:
- Tantrums
- Obstinate and Oppositional
- Bullying
- Disrespectful
- Lying
- Running Away
- Profanity
- Truancy
- Eating Disorders
- Destructive & Self-Destructive
- Stealing
- Sibling Rivalry
- Fire Starters
- Ambivalence
Of course, some of these are a grave concern such as fire starters, and I am told there are special places to put these children. These extreme behaviors need professional assistance as well as a very caring, understanding home life.
Behavior Charts
Use a "Glance-At-A-Month" calendar for recording behavior. Rank Behavior 1-10. I used 10 as the best. You can create your own list.
Temper Tantrums - 1 Disobedience - 5 Very Cooperative - 9 or 10 See if there are repeat patterns and how many good days are consistently being experienced.
Monitoring Activities
We can't watch everything, but be aware of movie and music ratings. These can slip by unnoticed.
Phone calls need to be limited. We try a 10-minute limit, and it is okay to ask who they're speaking to. We allow longer conversations with parents, but in some cases you may be asked to monitor them. It's okay to say "that's inappropriate."
For my teenagers, I hear they buy tickets for one movie, and go into another. Solving this problem is not easy if we want them to have their independence.
Anger Management
These children house a lot of anger. Professional support should be sought to work with these young children as quickly as possible. We have a teenage foster boy who didn't speak until he was five years old and took Anger Management Training shortly after he started to talk.
First rule of thumb, try hard not to get angry. Verbalize your anger, such as, "I'm really upset with you." Then explain why or talk very softly but firmly, "please don't do that again; it makes me angry."
There will be certain issues that will make you angry and not upset them, such as not picking up their clothes. They will get angry at issues that seem ordinary to you, such as computer usage or TV time. This is where limits need to be set and parental control put into action. It may mean temporary defiance; it may mean an argument or it may be accepted with conditions, such as, "you have one hour computer time as long as your room is clean."
