The Budslayer

Children can be very seductive. I know that is a difficult concept to explain to parents and a vengeful public. Truthfully, I don't remember when I didn't have these feelings. As I sit and look out the casement window to the lawn below where the children are playing, I admit that I don't know why I cannot stop hurting them. I look just like you. I went to college, bleed when I'm cut and had loving parents. I fear God and have served in the Armed Forces. I've never been to prison or on welfare. I could be your brother, husband, father, son or friend. And yet my terrible urges set me apart from you and make me different. Why don't you know me? Do I disgust you? THEN WHY, WHY DON'T YOU STOP ME?

I have spent many hours sitting here in my favorite chair thinking about these very things. I have been good for months, that is, until today when Jason Meyers came by to talk to me. He sat here with me on my lap, crying about his problems at home. I soothed him and spoke so softly that he had to bend over to hear me when I asked him to touch me. He tried to pull away, but I held him fast. I directed his small hand to the spot of my ecstasy.

He begged me to let him stop, but I couldn't. I don't think he'll tell his mother. I told him she would die if he did. And those fearful blue eyes believed that I had that power and he begged me not to make his Mommy away. I took some pictures too, and that's something I never dared to do before. I made him pose many times before I let him go home. The worst part is that as I look through them now I cannot say that I am at all appalled. In fact, I'm thinking about trading them for some others I've seen. I will not stop unless you stop me. Do you understand? I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF!