Second Part Chapter 54

At last I told him that I would see him when my eyes were less red and
my voice was steady again. My formal words drove him from the house.

But by the time I had bathed
my eyes in iced water and cooled my face, I found him in our room, the
door into which was open, though I had heard no steps. He begged me to
tell him what was wrong. "Nothing," I said; "I saw the mud of Paris on Fedelta's trembling
legs; it seemed strange that you should go there without telling me;
but, of course, you are free."

"I shall punish you for such wicked thoughts by not giving any
explanation till to-morrow," he replied.

"Look at me," I said. My eyes met his; deep answered to deep. No, not a trace of the cloud
of disloyalty which, rising from the soul, must dim the clearness of
the eye. I feigned satisfaction, though really unconvinced. It is not
women only who can lie and dissemble!

The whole of the day we spent together. Ever and again, as I looked at
him, I realized how fast my heart-strings were bound to him. How I
trembled and fluttered within when, after a moment's absence, he
reappeared. I live in him, not in myself. My cruel sufferings gave the
lie to your unkind letter. Did I ever feel my life thus bound up in
the noble Spaniard, who adored me, as I adore this heartless boy? I
hate that mare! Fool that I was to keep horses! But the next thing
would have been to lame Gaston or imprison him in the cottage. Wild
thoughts like these filled my brain; you see how near I was to
madness! If love be not the cage, what power on earth can hold back
the man who wants to be free?