Feelings of Frustration

Suburb I walked in this suburban neighborhood late in the afternoon, looking for the house of one of the judges of the contest who was a conductor. As I was walking on the street, I kept turning around to watch out for cops. Suddenly I saw one just turning the corner on another street. I jumped behind a big garbage can and hid until the patrol car disappeared in the dark.

At that time I knew I was taking a big risk, but I wasn't thinking about what the consequences would be. My mind was deeply made up.

I walked up to the house carrying my violin. I composed myself before ringing the doorbell. Here she was, a very classic, rich white woman in her early fifties wearing a white dressing gown and holding a glass of wine.

It seemed like she was waiting for her date that night and probably thought I was he or she. She opened the door smiling, but after she saw me, it looked like she was about to have a heart attack. She looked at me very confused.

She was speechless. She maybe was wondering what the hell a black man was doing on her porch at that time of the day ringing her doorbell, or maybe she was wondering how the hell I got her home address. She probably thought that I was a stalker. "Please don't call the cops. I am a violinist!" I beseeched her before she called the cops, which I knew she would do.

"Yes?" she asked me.

The first thing I did was to hold up the violin.

"I'm the violinist who-"

"How did you get my home address?"

"I called the auditorium."

"Are you the winner of the contest? I'm sorry, I didn't know. I wasn't-"

"I... I was third."

"Third! So how may I help you? Didn't you get your prize?"

"Yeah, I got my prize. I got a check for $300. A three hundred dollar check. That's not why I'm...I'm here for...I came to see you, Mrs. De Vito. I had to. I need you to help me. You are the only person who can..."

"I'm sorry. I think you need to see someone else."

"I don't know anyone but you! And I've heard you play. You're talented."

"Sorry, you have to excuse me. I don't talk to people without setting an appointment."

"I'm deeply sorry, I know I shouldn't be here"

"Your apology doesn't make much sense if you keep talking.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go back in." She tried to close the door, but I held it.

"I have this dream. I want to be a famous violinist. Play on stage with a multi-talented player like you!"

"Keep on playing. Maybe one day you will become one."

Once again she tried to close the door on me.